Mo' money Mo' problems

After testing negative for that bacteria... I kind of wish it was positive... maybe BD would be easier on me?Ugh, I hate this part of me. When ever we get extra money I decide it's OK to go to lunch, it's OK to pick this up, oh we've been needing one of these... never mind we've been living life just fine without one. Seriously. Why do I do it?
My mom was awful with money. As soon as I started making money my mom would borrow from me. She's had vehicles almost reposessed and had to pawn her rings so she could pay the house payment some months. Before she died she told me to NEVER be bad with money the way she was.
I've never been good with money. I paid my bills... as soon as I got the disconnect notice. Then I met BD, and all that changed now all my current bills are paid on time if not before. Still have a stack of bad credit up to my ass that needs to be taken care. You would think when we got some extra money I would be like OK spend wisely.. oh no. This drives BD insane. I screw up EVERY TIME. I try to get BD to take over the bills. He said that doesn't teach me anything. I have to learn. Seriously getting in trouble 2 or 3 times a year because of this really sucks. I just got busted again nickle and diming our family. I so do not want to go home right now. BD is BEYOND furious with me. Everyone says "So what, you make the money you get to spend it." No not really, that's not true. I have a family that I should think about before being so selfish. I'm not off on shopping sprees. No, not that at all. I just spend a few bucks here and few bucks there and that shit adds up, and it adds up fast. And I did it again. I'm just disgusted with myself... and BD realized what I had done today... OMG I do not want to go home right now. This man is the king of holding grudges. I know I'm in for it BIG time. Pray for me!!! Have any of you had money problems like this? How do you get past it? Am I lost cause?