Asperger's Syndrom... answer to question

I had a fellow blogger ask me what kind of advice I would give someone that just found out their child had Asperger's and starting school.
I'm FAR from the expert on this as Joel was just diagnosed earlier this month. Though I've obviously been dealing with it for 10 years unknowingly.

First- KUDOS to your friend for getting a diagnosis. That's the first step. It took me a LONG time. Keep the child in therapy. As long as the parent is feeling good about the therapy. If at any time you find yourself questioning things FOLLOW THOSE FLAGS!

Second- When starting school be very open and honest with the teachers. Make sure you know your child's daily schedule so you can ask them very specific things about their day. AS kids are very literal they cannot answer to "how was your day, what did you do" Make sure your teacher is well educated on Asperger's as well. If you feel any hesitation or any red flags request a new teacher. End of discussion. Your child's teacher can make or break this.

Third-Work with your child on how to act in social situations. AS kids are more likely to work beside a person rather than WITH a person. Request that your child's teacher pair them up with a very social child when they are doing group activities. If your child is with another child who wants to TALK TALK TALK, this will open your child up more!

Fourth- It's OK to get frustrated. If you had a child with no problems you would get frustrated with them too!

I hope this helps a little.

I'm baaack!

OK, so after quite a vacation/giving birth to Leo. I'm back!
I have to say when I look back at my previous few posts I have to think WOW, I was a bitchy pregnant woman LOL! MAN how many F-Bombs did I drop! I'm so embarassed. I'm leaving them though because it's life, it's me, and it's real. Poor Chris! Oh my gosh I was so hard on him!!

Things are going well on this end. I still have Xavier in daycare for now. He will go next week and then he's home with me... dun.. dun....dun... I'm scared!!! Leo is such a good baby, he just sleeps and every three hours grunts to let me know he needs to nurse. He hasn't cried ONCE since he's been home. He just grunts! He sleeps through the vaccuming, yelling at X, he's amazing. Of course he's probably used to it lol!

Joel started school and is doing fabulous! I emailed his teacher before to tell him about Joel's Asperger's etc. I was really nervous because this was a new teacher but he wrote back and said that he has children in his family with the same disorder. That was a huge relief!

I'll write more later... I'm off to finish getting ready for Xavier's 3rd birthday party... and to break up a fight between him and Joel "Momma- tell Joelo to STOP REPEATING" **this is a new thing, I have no clue where he picked it up. Joel hadn't said a thing... and X is demanding "I want MORE MAFFLES" *waffles*

He's here!

Just wanted you all to know, that Leo Wolfgang made his appearance early! 5 weeks early!
More details later. He weighed in at 7lbs 7oz and 20.25" long. He's got a head full of light brown hair and looks just like his big brother Xavier. He has long toes and fingers like big brother Joel though!
He's in the NICU due to fluid on the lungs, but he's doing WONDERFUL up there! Only on 1 quart oxygen.

Just an FYI

Really, I'm normally not this mean.. OK well I may think of these things but I'm not really really mean. I've been doing a lot of complaining about the Baby Daddy. I'm really mean to him at home. So sometimes he retaliates instead of sitting and looking pretty like I would prefer. So I just wanted you all to know he's not the awful, stupid, idiot, that I make him out to be... he's these things SOMETIMES. I have to say that I'm a real chore to live with right now. When it comes right down to it Chris is the love of my life and I couldn't see it any other way. He is my rock.

He's just annoying, and stupid right now LOL!

Hi, My name is Lindsey and I'm a bitch

OK-- I'm totally in super bitch mode. I want this kid OUT of me!!! So being that I've accepted my super bitchiness I am now going to fill in other people on how fucking annoying they are.



#1 the temp at work-- listen I know you're getting paid shit money to do this job. It's an easy job, TOO easy. I made this cool little book that any moron coming off the street could do this job. So please stop asking me stupid fucking questions when you know I'm going to tell you to look in the book.

Also-- it's a keyboard not a damn typewriter from the early 1900's no need to POUND THE FUCKING THING



Stop sighing-- you are an intelligent girl, stop sighing and acting like this job is causing you tons of brain usage. It's not, don't forget I've been doing this job for a year. I know it's not rocket science. You're not fooling anyone



The mouse--is a lazer mouse, not a ball mouse. NO you don't need a mouse pad. What you need to stop doing is picking it up and slamming it down. That is why it "acts weird"



The calculator-- no need to drop the calculator on your desk every fucking time you use it.



You are not my friend-- i don't have many friends becaues I am a bitch. You are not my friend, I don't think you are witty, I don't think you're cute. I think you are obnoxious.



To my baby daddy--

No I don't want to have sex with you. Too bad if it's been over a month. I can't sit, eat, stand, sleep without being in pain. So sorry if I could careless if you feel rejected. Spit and stroke buddy. Quit bringing up stressful things to talk about. I don't need to stress right now. It's like you get off on it or something.



To everyone- everyone that asks me "how are you feeling"

I don't know... here let me put a 6 pound human on your bladder and jam a knife in your crotch every time you take a step... On top of that let's give you some KICK ASS heartburn. Oh I'm feeling fucking fabulous. I'm miserable.. and when I tell you I'm miserable don't look at me all shocked.



To everyone--everyone that says "haven't had that baby yet"

NOPE that's why I'm still in this fucking office with this big fucking belly. NO I have NOT HAD THAT BABY YET!!



Ok, I'm done.

Thanks!

I'm feeling better

I made a whole pan of brownies and drizzled caramel over them.... and he's not allowed to touch them! Now, I just need to hang his clothes back up.
I still am very angry just not "hating"

Today-- I hate him

I hate Chris, I hate everything about him right now. He's so selfish, rude, and lazy. I can't take it anymore. Here I sit 8 months pregnant. I'm starving, I've made dinner two nights in a row. He comes home I ask if he's going to fix dinner "No, I'm not hungry" Well good for you that you're not hungry. Meanwhile I'm exhausted, and hungry and yesterday I made him dinner even after he called me a fucking cunt. He then made the kids peanut butter sandwiches and laughed at me while I cried trying to figure out what to eat. I hate him. I want him away from me. He's worthless. He makes shit for money, can't even pay HALF the house payment. He mows the lawn once every two weeks and acts like he's ran a fucking marathon afterwards. Then gets mad because I don't think it's a big deal. He does the laundry. Takes it to the basement, washes it, drys it, and then throws the fucking baskets on the floor for me to fold and take up to the bedroom and put every one's clothes away. THAT'S IT, THAT'S ALL HE DOES. Oh he'll make dinner maybe 3 times a week, he'll make breakfast once or twice a week. He takes Xavier to the babysitters every morning. I GET X DRESSED, I GET UP WITH X I GIVE X HIS BATHS (CHRIS RARELY DOES HE HAS TO BE TOLD WHEN TO GIVE X A BATH) Chris sleeps in until the very last minute then just worries about getting himself ready. In the mean time I TAKE CARE OF LETTING THE DOG OUT, MAKING SURE THE CAT HAS FOOD, MAKING SURE JOEL GETS UP AND AROUND, GETTING THE BOYS THEIR VITAMINS, X'S JUICE, JOEL'S LUNCH PACKED. What does Chris do? Not a fucking thing. Has he ever cleaned a litter box--- NOPE! Has he ever put clothes away NOPE! Has he ever scrubbed the bath tub--NOPE, scrubbed a toilet--NOPE!
I make the money, I take care of the house, and he gets away with doing as little as possible. HIS OWN MOTHER SAYS HE'S LAZY.
I'm so pissed at him right now.. oh and then to LAUGH at me because I'm so frustrated. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!? I told him to get the fuck out of my house. I threw all his clothes in the hallway. I told him I wasn't going to put his name on this baby's birth certificate, I told him that I was going to be the one laughing all the way to the bank when he gets raped for child support, I told him he needs to get off his fat ass and do something. I'm sick of being the man of the house. I hate it. I hate him. I say my share of hurtful things but Chris has it made so easy. He really does! He says I'm a crazy bitch all the time. Well I'm sorry but any woman that had to put with his ass would have to take Zoloft! He doesn't even fucking take care of himself. He doesn't shower every day. It's SO DISGUSTING. WHY AM I WITH HIM?!?!? I really fucking hate him right now. It's my fault. Shit, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free. Has he made ONE ATTEMPT TO BUY ME A RING.. oh no.. he can't afford it. I see where I stand with him.

Random

OK, it's 1:26 in the morning and here I sit on my couch with just my undies on blogging. I went to bed at 8:00 with contractions, woke up at 1AM with a hurting ear.. apparently I slept on it wrong. How the FUCK do you sleep on your ear wrong? I hope I don't get cauliflower ear.. that would suck. It would match the rest of my puffy face.
So last weekend my friend took me to lunch and a movie. It was my gift from her for having a kid. This is my third boy what could she get me? Plus she wanted to pay it forward because I threw her a baby shower last Sept. anyway we went to see Pineapple Express. Not a movie that I would've picked but it turned out to be funny. I'm most impressed that my pregnant ass was able to sit through the whole thing without getting up to go pee once! oh and just sitting in a movie seat at 8 mos pregnant. That's a feat in itself!!!
I feel guilty though, I've been supposed to go have dinner with an old high school friend Sara since the end of June. Every time we're supposed to go something comes up on my end. So I told her that we'd get together for lunch after I have the baby and things calm down.
MMMM fair food. So the Iowa State Fair is going on... OMG I would kill for some of that food. Sucks it's so expensive, and I don't think I could walk around. I asked Chris if he would push me in a wheel chair and he said HELL NO. I told him I'd rent a Hov-around (sp) and he said that there's NO way he'd be seen with me in that thing. What ever he's just jealous. He could get one to match. It would be sweet. It's the fair, how can you be embarassed? Has he not seen the people that go there?
As I type with just undies on (I can't sleep with clothes and I couldn't find them to come sit down, and it's my house if I want to sit here naked I CAN!) I look down at my TIT OL' BIDDIES and think damn, they are getting big. So the other day Chris saw them and said "HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT YOUR NIPPLES! HAVE YOU GONE AFRICAN ON ME?!?!? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU BELONG ON THE COVER OF NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC" Thanks dear, you are so sweet.

It's confirmed

Tuesday I talked to Joel's therapist, and it's confirmed Joel has Asperger's Syndrome. Which means he has high functioning autism and could very well live a normal life. A girl that used to work in a group home with troubled kids said that they had to watch a movie that showed how a typical child with Asperger's would act... the name of that movie Napoleon Dynomite. Funny thing is this is EXACTLY how I would explain Joel to people. Hell is uncle calls him Joelomite lol. Anyway next week we start some pretty aggressive therapy with Joel with the Asperger's. We're trying to do this med-free. If worse comes to worse there are meds out there that help. First I would like to show him how to handle himself without med's.

What it's like to have a special needs child

From the day Joel turned 2 I knew he was different.... something just wasn't clicking. He didn't talk until he turned 3. We thought it was due to him needing a new set of tubes in his ears. When he spoke it was like in his own language. He didn't potty train until a couple weeks after he turned 4. I was told "oh boys are more difficult". In my heart of hearts I knew something wasn't right. Then it was time for kindergarten, two weeks into it I get a call from the school telling me he was socially immature and not ready. They held him back and put him in Pre-Kindergarten. There he excelled. Then we went to regular kindergarten and dealt with some major issues. If his school papers were out of order he would have a fit, if he was told to "pull a card" (a discipline tool they use at school) he would scream and yell and cry. So the school gave me information to send him to a therapist. This was at the end of the school year, so we go to the therapist and she diagnoses him with ADD. We get his medications all figured out during the summer so we were good to go for 1st grade. He still had to go to special ed classes his 1st grade year by the end of 1st great they were REALLY proud of him. Joel was doing wonderful. I thought great, so much easier than the first 3 years of school. I still knew something wasn't right. All the testing came back normal so I just filed it in the back of my head relieved that he was doing so well. His 2nd grade year he only had to go to special ed to learn how to establish friendships, and not be so socially awkward. He was doing great. STILL that nagging feeling that something wasn't right. So I had been doing some research on the internet for some of his behaviors. All of his symptoms lead to autism, high functioning autism. So a month ago I started taking him to therapy. I didn't tell the therapist what I thought, just that I knew something wasn't right. I was supposed to go to his therapist alone last week to discuss diagnosis but the damn electricity was out and I had to stay at home. SO I didn't get to talk to her, at the previous appt. she lead me to believe that she was thinking of Aspberger's Syndrome. High functioning autism.
Now comes today. Kristi came over with her son Seth and his friend, and then her youngest son. Now Joel has a hard time interacting with more than one child at a time. So for Seth to bring a friend threw him off. Then Seth and the friend were talking about Joel's room having germs (it was messy, Seth's never said a negative thing to Joel but I think his friend had something to do with it) Anyway Joel over heard the conversation and was upset. Kristi was getting ready to leave so to keep Joel stress free I sent him to hang out in his room. After Kristi left I yelled for Joel to come upstairs so we could talk. I noticed that his neck was all red. I asked what happened and he said "I'm having a bad day so I wrapped a belt around my neck to kill myself" this out of my 9 y/o baby. This out of my baby who's dad HANGED HIMSELF. I went into hysterics. I couldn't stop crying. I was hyperventilating and had to have Chris talk to Joel because I couldn't. Never in a million years did I imagine this coming. NEVER. We are very open about how it hurt us what his dad did. I called the therapist that is on call and she said that I handled it as well as I could have and that I need to take all ropes and belts out of his room. Which I had already done. We also told Joel he's no longer to be in his room with the door closed. I think we got through to him, but honestly I have no idea if we did. It's so scary. It's so frustrating. I am so sad for him and at the same time get SO frustrated with him... I don't think people with "normal" kids realize how lucky they are. I wish I could make his life easier... I'm trying but damn, it's like we have to take 10 steps backwards to get ONE step forward. I wonder what goes on in his mind? How frustrated he is. When he was five he told me "mommy my brain isn't right, it's not like yours. I don't think right" I'll never forget that. If he knew that at 5 imagine what he feels now.