Happy New Year! Love, Your Aunt

Happy New Year to me.
You want to know how my New Years is being spent?
I'm at work-- they are kind enough to let us out early which turns out to be 30 minutes earlier than my regular leave time.
Aunt Flo decided to come today with a got-damn vengeance. I don't know what I did to you Aunt Flo but really, you can suck it.
So I'm stuck at work bloated in some tight ass Lane Giant jeans looking AND feeling like a stuffed sausage with the cramps from hell.
So FUCK YOU 2009 you really left a bad taste in my mouth, or feeling in my jeans!

To Breed or Not to Breed that is the question

We have 3 boys. Skywalker is my son from a previous relationship he is 11
Zaber is our's together he is 4
Mr. Butts is our's together he is 1

We both have always wanted a girl. I will say my only real reason for wanting a girl is to play dress up with her and name her after my mom.

BD has always wanted a girl from the beginning.

I know that having a girl will be a handful. I was a brat as a teenager and I am sure that if I have a mini me she won't last past the age of 13. I know she will be hell to raise becaues she will be Daddy's little girl and he will let her get away with everything. So even since having Mr. Butts I've planned that to be my final pregnancy. BD- not so much he was ready to keep trying until we had a little girl.

Then...... a couple weeks ago BD announced NO MORE KIDS. He had been pulled aside at Zaber's preschool and told that Zaber doesn't listen, he gives off the wall answers to simple questions. All things that we were told about Skywalker when he was around 5 years old. BD is concerned that we have another Asperger's child. I don't agree. Zaber is totally different. Skywalker didn't talk until after he was 3 years old and he didn't just give off the wall answers his shit just did not make sense what-so-ever. Zaber LOVES to learn, I can carry conversations easier than I can with Skywalker even to this day. The thing is Zaber is an asshole. Just plain and simple. He doesn't give a fuck. It's about Zaber and what Zaber wants to do. You can't beat good behavior into him, you can't put him in the corner, he'll just tell you it's not fair and basically turn around and do the same shit over again even if he knows he's going to get in trouble. Why, again because Zaber is an asshole. He's a loveable asshole and he's an adorable asshole but he's an asshole all the same.

So here we both sit thinking no mas on more kids. I'm even playing around with getting fixed. **Even though I told BD I went through 3 surgeries to have my children he can get his boys snipped, it's only fair.... he's not going for it**

What's the problem you ask? Our reasons are different. I know that Zaber just needs to be kept busy, he's just an active child. Folks are all hip to medicate him but really he's just a typical boy. He'll grow out of it I'm sure.

My reason for not wanting any more is I'm damn near 30 years old and though that's the perfect age for regular people to have kids I started out early and I think i should be done early. As it is now all my kids will be able to fend for themselves by the time I am 46 years old. I can legally throw them out of my house if they are little fuck ups. If they are responsible I can trust them and be able to leave my house to go galavanting across the world with no worries. I am ready to get my body back and I'm ready to be a MILF and be DONE. The other reason is financial means. We live comfortably, yes we have a strict budget but at the same time I don't want to throw another child in the mix I want to be better off in 3 years not sitting in the same place.

BD says that we never thought we could afford one more let alone two and we still make it work.

So do I wait? Or do I take BD's fear and run with it?

In the end I will talk to BD about this. Explain that I think his fear of breeding more asshole's is unfounded... but then what if I do too good of a job and he wants another?!?!?

Why ask for a list if you're just going to get me random shit?

I don't want to sound ungrateful. I am truly grateful for the gifts I receive. However if you are just going to pick up random shit to give me just give me the cash. I received a very shitty Christmas from my dad and his girlfriend. I can honestly say I think the girlfriend did the shopping. Also please note that my dad is well off, he has no bills except his monthly electric, gas. He has NO debt and makes VERY good money.
I asked for one thing. Photo editing software that is $24.99.
This is what I got:
-Bath and Body Works Lotion
-Bath and Body Works Body Spray
-$25.00 gift card to Red Lobster ( I hate seafood with a passion)
-$25.00 in a roll of $1.00 coins that he fully expects me to save because they might be worth something later.
Again I asked for Photo editing software.
WTF?!?!
I returned the Bath and Body Works stuff because it's not a scent I wear, never have worn, never WANT to wear and what does the lady at the register tell me. "Oh this was part of a buy 2 get 2 free special so your total is divided among 4 bottles (note I received 2 bottles apparently his girlfriend decided to keep the others for herself. LOL) So my return equaled $15.00 that I HAVE to spend at B&B. I did end up picking up a sugar scrub that I wanted and that took up all of my $15.00 and then I had to add another $1.62 to it.

This hurts because I really put a lot of thought into his and his girlfriends gifts. I know that his girlfriend is the one that picked out the gifts as she made that VERY clear. BD always has said she has a thing for him and I'm starting to think it's true. My gift was handed to me in a very used gift bag with WADDED up tissue paper shoved to the side to hold my bottles of B&B stuff up. His gift (WHO SHE MADE CLEAR SHE WRAPPED AND WASN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?!?!) Was in a beautiful box with a ribbon around it (the fancy ribbon with the wire but who's paying attention right?) He received sweat pants and a sweat shirt (on his list) with the tags still on it that added up to about $35.00 and a $25.00 gift card to Red Lobster (which he has wanted to try out and has mentioned that before to her) and then she says to BD "Maybe you can find sitters and we can go together" and then she smiles at BD longingly and licks her lips... OK she just smiled but still!

Here's the other thing about this woman. She is 46 with 2 boys. One 15 one 20, after we had dinner at my dad's house where SHE and HER KIDS live. My dad, BD, and I were the one's doing dishes? I gave her kids gifts. Granted I don't KNOW these kids but thought it would be the right thing to do and I did only spend $10.00 each on them but they NEVER said THANK YOU?!?!? Also oldest kid goes to school part-time does not work, and when my dad got him a job at a convenience store (my cousin is the manager), the oldest kid said he doesn't "want" to work at a gas station. As if it's beneath him.... REALLY?!?!
So I gave Dad a call this morning. This is how it goes:
Me: "Hey Dad, when you're alone give me a call ok"
Dad: "Go ahead, it's fine"
Me: "Do you think G/F is weird?"
Dad: laughing "yeah, FUCK YEAH I think she's weird"
Me: "What's the deal with her kids, you know they didn't even thank us for the gifts"
Dad: "doesn't surprise me, they're ungrateful little bastards"
Me: "Dad, really are you happy?"
Dad: "No, I'm about ready to blow. Mainly over that oldest kid he shouldn't even be living there. Between me and you after the first of the year I'm going to tell her to kick rocks"

So I'm relieved but still pissed I gotta wait until next year for him to make up for his eff'd up g/f LOL.

Avatar

IS THE BEST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN!
YOU MUST SEE IT
By the end you'll want to fuck an alien... just sayin'.
Now go watch it!!!

Blended Families and Christmas

Can i just say that blended families are a LOT harder to manage than you would think. I love Joel and I loved his dad. He was the father to my son. He was not a great father but as a person he was a good person. I will always love him. I am angry that he decided to kill himself and now I am stuck cleaning up the mess... but sometimes I wish I had never met him and that I had the same kid but with BD.... because then we wouldn't have this whole blended family issue to deal with.

11 years old really?

Skywalker and Zaber spent the night at my dad's house on Friday night. My dad doesn't have much patience so I don't think he'll be taking them again for awhile. He said Skywalker was fine until dad's girlfriend's son who is 14 or 15 got up. Then Skywalker was talking about inappropriate things. For example dad's g/f said she was going to take a shower and Skywalker got a grin and said "oh, can I join you?" and G/F said "I don't think so". WTF?!?! Really? What is going on? Dad called me this AM to tell me about it and said that he's said comments like that before in the past. So I am going to have to have a talk with him. I know he's going through this stage where he thinks it's funny to talk about boobs and stuff . I'm going to have to sit him down and have a talk about how it's inappropriate. I am not looking forward to this talk. In a way I think it's that he's wanting to "fit in" and with the asperger's he doesn't know how to so he thinks he's being funny. Another thing he says is stuff like "I have a girlfriend AND a boyfriend ha ha ha" just joking around. I tell him all the time that it's not funny but he doesn't seem to get it. Now that I hear what he is saying around my dad I wonder what he says around other people when I'm not there. Ugh.

Opening my dirty whore mouth per Aunt Becky's request

Go to http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/?p=2894 to find out why I'm doing this....

1) Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?
- No, I like chocolate, caramel, whipped cream, and nuts

2) If you had to choose one word to banish from the English language, what would it be and why?
Piss Flaps. My BFF tells people to lick her piss flaps when she's mad. I find it repulsive. That and Booty Hole, my husband always changes songs to say something about putting it in the booty hole and that too repulses me.

3) If you were a flavor, what would it be?
Sweet and Sour sauce

4) What’s the most pointless annoying chore you can think of that you do on a daily/weekly basis?
Put the movies away... 2 seconds later Mr. Butts rips them out and throws them on the floor

5) Of all the nicknames I’ve ever had in my life, Aunt Becky is the most widely known and probably my favorite. What’s your favorite nickname? (for yourself)
Linnie, it's what my baby sister called me growing up

6) You’re stuck on a desert island with the collective works of 5 (and only five) musical artists for the rest of your life. Who are they?
Bon Jovi
Michael Jackson
New Kids On The Block
Stevie Knicks
Reba Mcintire

7) Everything is better with bacon. True or false?
False- doesn't go good with ice cream

8 ) If I could go back in time and tell Young Aunt Becky one thing, it would be that out of chaos, order will emerge. Also: tutus go with everything. What would you tell young self?
Follow your gut

Where you been?

I haven't been around for awhile, we've been fighting colds, ear infections, strep throat in our house. I've also been very lazy about doing my home work for school so I'm trying to get caught up.
At work they promoted a not so trustworthy person in our department as supervisor. So far so good... I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
DH and I have been getting along so well. Not that we normally don't but it's weird it's like in the past month we've found our niche. I know we've been together 5 years but it's just like we're two puzzle pieces and we've finally got the click in it. We've been very aware of how we treat each other. It's great... now watch tonight he'll do something that I have to kick his ass over.
Zaber is just a piece of work. He is 4 years old still peeing in his pants, talking back, being aggressive with Mr. Butts. He is driving us insane. We are at a loss. We are so worn out by him. We've tried everything so don't leave me comments telling me to spend more one on one time with him, been there, done that. The kid is an asshole. I love him but he's a total asshole.
Skywalker is doing fabulous I am SO proud of him. He graduated from his IEP at school. He's getting AWESOME grades. He even played basketball this year! He's finally found his groove.
Mr. Butts is still the cutest thing ever and I could spend all day squeezing him. he's such a good boy.... just wating for Zaber to corrupt him.
That's it I know a boring post. Sorry no juicy news here..... might be a drama free holiday.. we'll see! We do have Christmas dinner at evil Step-mom and Dad's house this Sunday.... I'm bringing a bottle of wine. For myself.

Another day in the life with Zaber

Zaber is standing on the gate between the living room and kitchen flipping the light on and off

Me: Zaber, knock it off. You haven't been listening all night and I'm about ready to put your jammies on and put you in bed for the night."

Zaber laughs and continues with the light flipping

Me: Zaber, that's it I'M DONE!

Zaber: WHAT?!? ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME?!?

Zaberisms

I spot Zaber putting his fingers in Mr. Butt's mouth

Me: "Zaber, don't put your fingers in Mr. Butt's mouth, what are you doing?"

Zaber: "I'm just giving him my boogers"

Skywalker's life plan

I went to Skywalker's parent teacher confrences. Happy to report that the teacher said he's doing FABULOUS, and actually making friends (which is HUGE for a child with Aspergers)
He had to complete a fill-in the blank type report for himself and then the teacher gave it to me at conferences. Here are some of the highlights of the report. (verbatim)

In SOCIAL STUDIES, we have been studying these TOPICS:
goeraphy and religion

The teacher quickly informed me that he meant REGIONS

Some special WRITING projects this year have been:
good because I never got an F on my spelling test and pretest

Yes, this thrills me as a parent. We don't have high expectations for our children. The funny part is the kid has never got below a B on his tests LOL

My educational GOALS and PLANS after my high school years:
live in Colorado So I can meet Rob Dyrdeck

Not exacty sure what Rob of Rob and Big is going to teach him, but I'm glad he's got his life planned out.

Three CAREERS that truly interest me right now:
A. fishing B. caster board C. sing Lady GaGa; "Poker Face"

I have now lost hope that this will be the child that takes care of us financially in our old age. Though he could have a wonderful career being a Drag Queen version of Lady GaGa

Drama and Death

I understand grief can make a person crazy.. totally get it. I think it's insane when people come out of the woodwork when someone dies and tries to take over.
This situation is going on with my friend Shai's aunt... she's a total nut job. She's in her 40's and posting her passive aggressive bullshit on Facebook. Really? If you were Shai's BFF you would know that Shai is all about drama free. I know she's looking down at her Aunt saying "You are on some bullshit right now, keep on walking". I feel so bad for Shai's BFF she's getting the brunt of the attacks.

When my mom died we had some major drama going on in our family. You know after everything got straightened out (TWO YEARS AFTER THE FUNERAL) we realized the only person that got hurt and lied to was my mom... all the while she's trying to fight off cancer. Now that is some bullshit!

H1N1 Not a media flu

I know all the hub bub about H1N1 gets on people's nerves. I too was like "Oh big deal it's just like the regular flu" and then Friday came and my mind was changed.
2 weeks ago my friend was put in the hospital for H1N1. She had a lung infection that she wasn't aware of and the H1N1 took over. She was put into a medical induced coma, then her kidney's failed, her lungs collapsed and after being stable for 2 days she passed away on Friday.

This friend was only 27 years old, a beautiful strong woman with her whole life ahead of her. She was going to school full time and living life to the fullest. She never was married, never had any children. Why does someone like that get taken away from us? Aren't their pedophiles that could be taken? Murderers?

I suppose the man upstairs needs the good ones. Knowing Shai she gave Him the what for.

RIP Shai keep smiling down on us... I can still hear that giggle.

I heart Halloween

Halloween is my FAVORITE... so I thought I would share some pictures. First are the pictures of the pumpkin I carved for work. It's not so much about the pumpkin as it is about the details... my favorite party is the "My Baby" picture frame... we won second place!

Here are my chil'n. With three boys it's not easy to get a great shot of them all at once... Zaber is the cowboy, Mr. Butts is the lion, and Skywalker is the grim reaper/phantom. Skywalker had eyes that would fade in and out red it was pretty cool.

Skywalker likes to make up his own jokes.... and they don't make sense and they aren't funny. So I'm kind of glad that he went trick or treating with his Nana and cousin.. because it's kind of embarassing.

Zaber's joke was "Why did Snoop Dogg wear a raincoat?"

"Fo' Drizzle"

Baby Talk

BD and I have been discussing adding another monkey to our house. How would we feel about it... blah blah blah.... I think he's finally seeing the light. That it's not a great idea. We have 3 wonderful little boys whom I love so very much. With that said I can't wait for the day that they get the fuck out of my house. In 16 years and 10 months I will no longer be legally responsible to feed them, clothe them, put a roof over their heads.... 16 years should come pretty quickly.... and I don't want to add another couple years on. I want my life. I feel so selfish but I want to enjoy life before I get all old and have to worry about who is going to wipe my ass and change my diapers. I want to be able to travel to Europe and not have to worry about my arthritis kicking in preventing me from seeing all the awesome things I want to see.
Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, I would DIE for my boys and I don't regret one bit having my boys.... but you see I got pregnant at 18 and had Skywalker fresh out of high school. I never got to explore, I have ALWAYS been a mom. Again, I love being a mom but I would be lying if I told you I am not looking forward to the day when I can lay on the couch and watch any type of show I want and not worry about what little eyes or ears might be seeing and hearing. When I can eat my dinner and not have a little boy screaming at me NUM NUM even though he just ate his meal and I am starving. How nice would it be to go to a store and not worry about avoiding the toy department. HOW about going to the store by yourself. OH MY GOD could you imagine the possibilities?!?!?
Again, I wouldn't trade my boys for anything in the world. Sometimes I get so tired that I dream about being childless living in an apartment by myself with no one depending on me.... and it seems so wonderful. Maybe because I've never had that, I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side and I wouldn't be able to last more than 2 days without having contact with my kids. Still it's fun to dream about right? Does this make me a shitty mom?

Follow Up to Obituary

I never did write my obituary. Then last night while laying in bed next BD I mentioned that I had an urge to write it. He said "Why, doesn't someone write it for you after you die?" I said yes, but I wasn't sure he would get into everything that I would want said. He then said... "You have a little while, I don't see you dying until you're 46." I said "What do you mean?" and he said "You know how sometimes I have feelings, my feelings tell me you will die at 46." I thought that was really messed up. I said "What feelings?" he said "Remember when I called you on the day Zaber was born and told you that I had a feeling that he was coming that day and you told me no, that you had just been to the doctor and you weren't dialated at all.... and then later on that day he was born... it's the same feeling." I freaked a little and then he said "well now that I'm saying it I'm seeing more of age 58." I think he just said that to calm me down... still weird though. He also said that he could see me gaining about 75 more pounds. I was like "Uh, yeah right the only way I plan on gaining more weight is if we get pregnant again and we haven't decided on that." He then told me "No, we'll get pregnant again, it's not going to be our girl though. It'll be a boy with brown hair and hazel eyes." Then we will be done.

I

Weird....

Today all of a sudden got this urge to write my obituary. I don't know why I wonder if it's a sign I am going to die soon? I wonder if other people think this way?

Happy Birthday Sister!

Today my sister turns 22 years old. It was 22 years ago today (on a Friday even!). I remember being told at school that I was supposed to go to my friends house after school instead of going home. It was my dad's visitation that weekend so he picked me up from my friends house. I remember getting to his house and being there for awhile when the phone rang. My dad hung up and looked at me and said. "We have to go to the hospital, your mom had her baby." I remember seeing my baby sister for the first time. I was instantly in love. She wasn't just my sister she was MY baby too. When she got up in the middle of the night I would get up with my mom and sit while she nursed her. I worried about her and showed her off to everyone I knew. She was my baby. Of course we would get into arguments and she would drive me nuts. Still she was my baby and I could pick on her but NOBODY else could. Now my baby sister turns 22 and we have had one hell of a ride since my mom has died. She was a teenage girl full of angst. Many times I wanted to kick her ass (even though she's been able to beat me up since she was 9 years old and yes I'm 7 years older). She's screwed up like every kid does, I've taken her in my home, and kicked her ass out of my home. Still she's my baby sister and I love her.
I've always known that she's been missing something in her life and she's been trying to find herself. She told me this week that she'll be moving to Virginia soon. She needs to go out and find what she's looking for. As much as it pains me to see her go I know in my heart it's something she has to do. I won't stop her. She's a smart, tough girl. I know she'll be fine. Still she's my baby sister and I worry but love her enough to let her go.
So here's to you my Baby Sister. I love you, I will miss you but I know you need to find yourself. Just remember I'll be your rock when you need anchoring.
Love,
Sistoh

Response to BFF's Comment on last Post

BFF KC posted this comment in regards to my last post about my mom.

"I would be lost without my Mom. I feel so guilty because I have a Mom. When I talk about doing thing with my Mom to you a voice inside me is always saying stupid ass why did you say that. And the look on your face makes me so sad that you hurt so much when I talk about my Mom. I wish I could bring your Mom back. I wish I could have been there for you when she passed. I will always LOVE you and be here for you. Your best friend KC"

First let me state this comment made me shed a tear. This pisses me off because I do not like to show weakness. So I will be punching BFF KC in the face next time I see her. ;0)

This is awful. I never ever want my BFF's to feel bad and like they can't talk about their mom's to me. KC's mom is like a grandma to my kids and I've adopted her as my mom. She's great. She'll call you a dumbass and tell you how stupid you are one minute and then the next does something nice for you. She's a very straight forward tell it like it is type of woman. LOVE HER. I never ever want my BFF's to not talk about their mom's. I worry about KC's mom like I would my own mom. Am I envious that she still has her mom HELL YES. I'm envious of every one that still has their mom.
One thing that bother's me about not having a mom anymore is that I forget other people do. I know it sounds crazy but when BFF KC tells me how she's going to go to dinner at her mom's my thoughts are.... weird..... don't you do that on the weekend? I know it's so stupid. If my mom were alive I would be around her a lot too. Then I feel guilty when I point out to BFF KC that she spends an awful lot of time at her mom's why not at her own house. I forget. If my mom were alive I would hang out with her too.

If there's ANYTHING I want my BFF's to take away from me losing my mom is to appreciate your mom's. Tell them you love them every day even if they are being a pain in the ass. You never know what could happen. Spend as much time with them as you want and NEVER feel guilty for loving or appreciating or needing them.

Friday Confessions

No matter how much time passes, the older I get. I still miss my mom.

I miss her laugh

her strength

her humor

She was home, she was where I went when I was sad, just her presence was comforting. Never again do I feel that comfort.

It's now my job to be home for my boys, for my sister. What seemed so easy for her seems unattainable for me at times.

I'm 29 years old and I still want my Mom.

Where did Bad Mommy go?

One of my favorite blogger's "Bad Mommy" has put her blog on private... I'm seriously having withdrawals. I don't even know how to email her to get access. Bad Mommy if you're out there please know I miss you and hook a sister up with access. DAMN

Mo' money Mo' problems

After testing negative for that bacteria... I kind of wish it was positive... maybe BD would be easier on me?Ugh, I hate this part of me. When ever we get extra money I decide it's OK to go to lunch, it's OK to pick this up, oh we've been needing one of these... never mind we've been living life just fine without one. Seriously. Why do I do it?
My mom was awful with money. As soon as I started making money my mom would borrow from me. She's had vehicles almost reposessed and had to pawn her rings so she could pay the house payment some months. Before she died she told me to NEVER be bad with money the way she was.
I've never been good with money. I paid my bills... as soon as I got the disconnect notice. Then I met BD, and all that changed now all my current bills are paid on time if not before. Still have a stack of bad credit up to my ass that needs to be taken care. You would think when we got some extra money I would be like OK spend wisely.. oh no. This drives BD insane. I screw up EVERY TIME. I try to get BD to take over the bills. He said that doesn't teach me anything. I have to learn. Seriously getting in trouble 2 or 3 times a year because of this really sucks. I just got busted again nickle and diming our family. I so do not want to go home right now. BD is BEYOND furious with me. Everyone says "So what, you make the money you get to spend it." No not really, that's not true. I have a family that I should think about before being so selfish. I'm not off on shopping sprees. No, not that at all. I just spend a few bucks here and few bucks there and that shit adds up, and it adds up fast. And I did it again. I'm just disgusted with myself... and BD realized what I had done today... OMG I do not want to go home right now. This man is the king of holding grudges. I know I'm in for it BIG time. Pray for me!!! Have any of you had money problems like this? How do you get past it? Am I lost cause?

H. Pylo--- whaaa?

On my facebook for the past 3 days I've been bitching about heartburn. A friend of my mother's wrote to me that I may have helicobacter pylori. Which is some fancy word for a bacteria that is attacking the lining of my stomach. She told me that my mom complained of heartburn and she told her to get tested and sure enough my mom had it.....
I go to the website the friend showed me and it says that if you are positiveit could also be a sign of stomach cancer... oh fucking great. So now I'm convinced I'm dying. I'm going to get tested and it's going to be positive and I'll be dead soon. Just like my Mom. This also doesn't help that I have a purplish mole on my leg that has grown a bit and it's funky shaped and part is under the skin and part is over the skin and I'm pretty sure that's cancer too. I've been ignoring it but finally made an appointment so if the stomach cancer doesn't kill me I'm pretty sure the skin cancer will.

"Most of all I'm afraid I'll never feel the way I feel when I'm with you"

I had the biggest crush on Patrick Swayze. I would watch Dirty Dancing over and over... I knew every line in the movie. I knew the steps to the dances.

What a sad year, when I was 6 I would kiss my Michael Jackson Thriller Album goodnight.... then at 8 when Dirty Dancing came out I got a black and white poster of "Johnny" and I would make out with that before I went to bed. I had both soundtracks on tape.

RIP Patrick

I think I married the next cake boss

These are the first 2 cakes BD has ever made...... no professional training... just watching cake shows!!!

(alternating layers)

The first cake is for Zaber's 4th birthday... Spongebob is yellow cake with strawberry cream filling. BD sculpted the hands, and feet out of modeling chocolate (that he made)

The second cake was for Mr. Butt's first birthday it's alternating layers with chocolate cake with vanilla filling, and white cake with chocolate filling. It was DELISH!

Dadgum Vampires

I've become addicted to the vampire craze. I am on the 4th book of the Eclipse Series and my BFF W has introduced me to True Blood. I LOVE IT. LOOOOVE it. BFF W did say that Anna Paquin's acting is not the greatest and I do find her REALLY annoying. She's whiney and looks like she has to shit when she's concentrating on listening to someone's thoughts. My favorite character is Lafayette. If he was a real life person I would totally be his hag!!

I hate mean 4th graders

Skywalker started 4th grade this year. Due to his Asperger's he's always been a bit of a recluse... and had a bizarre sense of humor. He's weird, OK he's weird but he's still a great kid. I see it, other adults see it, but kids... kids aren't so kind. I asked Skywalker if he had 4 or 5 friends he would like to invite over for a sleepover for his birthday party in October. I told him that we could go go-cart racing and mini-golfing. He named off 3 boys and then said "that's it, I don't have any other friends." This broke my heart. Yesterday I was asking bff K's son who is in the same class as my son
Me: "So does SKywalker have friends?"
K's son: "uhhh yeah, some"
Me: "Do they make fun of him?"
K's son: "No, some kids call him gross. Some kids want to be his friend but are scared the other kids will make fun of them"

This breaks my heart. Absolutley rips my heart out stomps on the ground. I do NOT want this for my baby. What do I do? What can I do?

WW

These are some shots I got at the Omaha Zoo, I love them. It makes me want to get back into photography. If only I could afford the camera I want!

My girlfriends ROCK

I just wanted to show my appreciation for my girls.
I think I have the BEST girlfriends on the planet.
I love my BFF K for taking me to lunch when I can't afford it. It's like she's psychic. If I'm having a really crappy day and just want OUT of my cube for lunch but can't afford it 15 minutes before I go to lunch she calls "Wanna do lunch, I'm buying" I try to get her back as often as possible, but she's gotten me more than her. I love her

BFF W hires me to clean her house. This Saturday I cleaned her house and then we went shopping, I had so much fun. I was able to get Joe-lo two pairs of jeans, a shirt, and a pair of shorts, and shoes, myself a bra... a Lane Giant bra! Those aren't cheap! W deducted it from what she owed me. I ended up going over a bit but we'll knock it off next weeks cleaning funds. I had so much fun, it's been a long ass time since I've been able to do "fun" shopping. To top it off BFF K took my oldest son swimming while we did this.

Then on Sunday A came over and cut Skywalker's, BD's, and my hair. She did a wonderful job and just saved me a HUGE amount of stress figuring out how to get it paid for. In return I'll mow her lawn for her, I'd LOVE to get a hold of her kitchen and clean it for her but she won't let me. I know she won't.

I love my friends they are the best! Now I read back I feel like a big loser and I don't do enough for my friends so I ask you all what would be a great way to repay them?

Results from 10 week Body Shaping Course

You guys know about that 10 week body shaping course... well I finished on Saturday... here are my results. Can you believe it, diet and exercise actually works! If I can do this ANY of you guys can do this!

Here are my stats

Week 1
Sit and Reach- 21
Push-ups (1min) 34
Sit-ups (1min) 21
Weight in pounds 214.2
Body Fat Percentage 49.9
Mile run/walk time 14m 38s

Measurements Week 1
Arm 14 inches 11.75
Chest 49.5
Waist 46.5
Hips 50
Thighs 28

Week 10

Sit and Reach 23
Push-ups (1min) 67
Sit-ups (1min) 32
Weight in pounds 207.8
Body Fat Percentage 47.3
Mile run/walk time 12m 8s

Week 10
Arm 11.75 inches -2.25"
Chest 46.5 -3"
Waist 40.75 -5.75"
Hips 46.5 -3.5"
Thighs 24.5 -3.5

Friday Confessionals

I totally steal my shit from Heather. She's got good ideas... sorry!

Bless me fellow bloggers for I have sinned:

Yesterday I skipped bands class-- BUT I ran on the treadmill at home

I have done maybe an hours worth of work all week.... and I don't know that I can force myself to do any today.

I have had to block myself from Twitter due to my Donnie Wahlberg obssession.... seriously I'm obsessed.. like a fucking 9 year old again.

Wednesday Wishes

This is a picture of Mr. Butts feeling the grass between his sweet baby toes for the first time

My wish is that life will always be this simple for my boys

That they will never stop discovering

That they will never stop appreciating

That they will never stop loving

That they will not think twice about running to Mommy or Daddy when they get scared

That they will NEVER feel alone

That they will NEVER feel lost

That they can love me to the moon but I will always love them to the moon... and back

Tuesday Talks-- Stole this from Hamilton Family Circus

I stole this idea from Heather.. hope she doesn't mind!

This morning my phone rings at work. I see it's our home number so I figure it's BD... I was wrong:

Me: Hello

Zaber: Hello, Mommy. I want to play the violin, I am NOT going to play the piano

Me: OK?

Zaber: Mommy after I play the violin I'm going to play the plute

Me: OK, sounds good... and when are you going to do this?

Zaber: Mommy, after I play the plute, I'm going to play myself.

Me: OOOHHH KKKKKK

BD gets on phone: Hey, ha ha ha

Me: Where does he come up with this stuff?

BD: ha ha did you hear him say he was going to play himself.

Me: yup, just like you

A girl.... they do grow up

BD and I have been discussing the idea of maybe trying for #4. BD really wants a girl. As Mr. Butts gets closer to turning 1 I realize that maybe, just maybe I don't want to be done having kids. It's really a tough decision. I feel as though I'm being selfish, plus the 3 that I have now drive me nuts as it is.
Then last night made me realize maybe I don't want to try for a girl. Last night BD found out his little sister is no longer a virgin. SIL (sister-in-law) is 18 years old. She's a very smart girl. She has her head on straight. BD is DEVASTATED he couldn't even talk. I personally didn't see the HUGE deal. I mean seriously she's 18, she used protection.. and like most of us girls find out it really wasn't all it's cracked up to be. She said it hurt and she has no plans on doing it again..... This got me thinking about us having a girl. If we do I'm afraid she'll turn into a whore because BD is going to keep her locked in a room as soon as she hits 16. Then when she goes nuts he's going to have a heart attack and then I'm going to be stuck with 3 boys and a slutty daughter..... oh what to do.

Birthday

On Saturday BD and I went out with friends to celebrate my birthday... and celebrate we did. We had LOADS to drink. We haven't partied like that for at least 2 to 3 years. I now know why. I'm still paying for it today.
Getting old sucks.

20 more years

Well today is it. Today I have officially **swallowing** entered the last year of my 20's. Which is bitter for me. Of course I'm bummed about being closer to 30 but more so it's because if I live to be the age my mom was when she died... I only have 20 more years on this earth. 20 more years to see my kids faces, to hear their little voices, to laugh with my husband.... only 20 more years. I automatically assume I will die around my mom's age. I don't know why, I just assume it. So to me I feel like I've hit what normal people would view as 79 years old. How can that be? I know of some things my mom would've done different. I also wonder what other things she didn't share with me. I wonder how my mom would've lived knowing at the age of 29 she only had 20 more years.
I think today will be the first day that I stop and take time to take in everything around me. Enjoy the simple things in on honor of my mom... I want to make her proud of my 20 more years.

Dear Husband, You have lost your fucking mind. Love, Your wife

After much thought I have decided that I do not want anymore children. When I am 48 my youngest will be 20. At that age I'm still young enough to get out and do what I want. Something I have never been able to experience. I had Skywalker at 18 years old so I never got to do anything on my own. 3 kids later, I'm realizing how important that time is. So my goal is to have all my kids old enough that I can do what I want without having to worry about a baby sitter when I am still at a semi-young age. I have explained this to Husband. He is not so keen on the idea, he would like to try for another child. I say in true Whitney Houston fashion "HELL TO THE NAW BOBBEH". Yesterday I informed him that being I am now 369 days away from turning 30 I think it's ok for him to go ahead and get snipped as I am sure that I don't want anymore kids. He then admitted that had he ever told me he would be the one to get fixed he had lied and NOBODY is touching his "jewels". We'll see about that.
He wants to try for a girl sooo bad. My thoughts are if I have a girl who acts like either one of us she won't live past 16 so what's the point?

Please say a prayer

Please say a prayer for a fellow blogger and high school classmate who's little sister was in a terrible accident Thursday evening. She's a young mother to an 8 month old little boy. This young woman is a Dr. and just started her family life. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.
www.butchsfight.blogspot.com

Seriously? You've got to be kidding me.

My husband is a stay at home dad. While I appreciate his ability to do this, in the mean time he is driving me insane. He's obsessed with EVERY MOVE I MAKE. I am constantly accused of doing this or that. Now I admit that yes I got a credit card without his knowledge. He found out was upset, as he told before NOT to get said credit card. I have since cancelled the card. Then smoking every once in awhile I will have a cigarette. OK every night that I go to the gym I have a cigarette. HE can't stand this... here's the thing I'm 28 years old and if I want to smoke I WILL. I don't need his constant bitching. So to shut him up I am going to have to quit this habit. Lately he's switched his gym time to going after I get off work instead of going at 10:30 at night. I am used to going to bed by myself. Ever since he's been going to bed at the same time as me I cannot get to sleep. Last night I can't sleep AGAIN so I decide to watch some of the programs I DVR'd. I got very sleepy after the show was over and decided to sleep on the couch instead of risking going to bed and waking myself up again. I'm justs falling to sleep when he comes down the stairs and accuses me of being up to something because I am sleeping on the couch. Which yes is odd for me but him being in bed with me is odd for me too! To appease him I went to bed in our bedroom. Where I got 20 questions... "Why are you trying to get me to get a job" gee I don't know because it would be nice to have the extra income. Also considering you were supposed to have a part time job BEFORE you became a stay at home dad. That was back in OCTOBER. Granted I did tell him for awhile not to worry about it because him being at home with the kids is like working 2 full time jobs. Now that he's on my case and all of a sudden thinks he can control my every move. I've decided his ass is bored and needs to get out of the house. I am going insane!

Wordless Wednesday

You may kiss the bride.....

Friday Confessionals

I'm down 11 inches.... my 5 weeks of busting my ass are paying off... the course is over in 10 weeks. We shall see what else I can do!

Where could I be?

This is just me reflecting on my life. Where I am, where I want to be, where I thought I would be. Who I am, Who I thought I would be, Who I want to be.

I am a mother of 3
I thought I wanted to be a mother of 4
I think I want to just be a mother of 3

I am the sole provider for our family
I thought I wanted to be taken care of
I still think that I want to be the one taken care of

I am an office droan
I wanted to save the world
I want to make a difference, I want to MATTER- ah hell who doesn't?

I live in my mom's old house. I make the mortgage payments but it's still in my dad's name
I thought I wanted this house
I want us to have our own house, where we can make our own memories (CURSE YOU CREDIT)

I'm married to my best friend, my soul mate
I thought I would be married and it would be butterflies all the time
The butterflies go away, is there a way to get that first dating experience back?

I can be a crabby mom
I thought I would the BEST mom
I will start to STOP what I'm doing when my children want me for the slightest silliest thing and give them my 100% attention.....

Me, Lovely?

I got this awesome award from Mymidmidlifecrisis!

Here are the rules:

1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.

2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.



These aren't really new blogs, as my current blogs keep me pretty darned entertained. I don't even know if I have 15 but here are 4 that I really like



1. The Life and Times of a bad Mommy



2. Jaime's Space



3. Mama and More



4. The Hamilton Family Circus



There you are!!!

Mr. Butts

No surgery!!! Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

Mr. Butts update

A fellow blogger asked about Mr. Butts and I remembered I had not updated. Last you guys heard Mr. Butts was diagnosed with a Metopic Fusion. We then went to the Opthamologist on Thursday the 14th of May. We found out that there is NO pressure building behind his eyes. Which is really good! Hopefully this means no surgery and we just need to keep an eye on things. We find out for sure tomorrow if surgery is recommended. Please keep Mr. Butts in your prayers.

Here are recent picture of our happy baby! (you can also see the ridge I'm talking about it in the pics)

Wordless Wednesday

The Flower Baby's

a change in lifestyle

I started Farrell's Extreme Body Shaping Course on Saturday. I really thought it was going to be harder than it is. I actually look forward to going to my classes. The time in classes really goes fast. I've already lost 3 pounds since Saturday (a lot could have to do with the 94 oz of water we have to drink). The diet is really easy to follow too. You just watch your carb intake. I actually am having a hard time getting all the carbs that I'm supposed to be getting IN.
Oh and I'm off the crack... the Diet Mt. Dew. I never thought I could survive without it. I can't lie I'm not COMPLETELY off of it but I'm down to just a couple sips a day. I don't look at this as just a 10 week course I'm looking at it as a lifestyle change. A change I can actually look forward to. I highly recommend Farrell's to anyone out there looking for something to jump start themselves. The people there are super positive.. which honestly I want to shove their positivity up their INTENSE asses. But I will admit I feel good when I'm told I'm doing a good job. I'm not expecting any "Biggest Loser" style losses. My goal is to get into a size 16 and drop 20 pounds. I'm trying to be realistic. Honestly though, I could see myself losing more like 40and in a size 14 by the end of this.

Still waiting

I am still waiting to get contacted for an interview with one of the prisons. Keep your fingers crossed.

It's been awhile since I've done pictures. I have some cute one's from my sister-in-law's graduation. High School graduation that is. We hope she does better than we did. Luckily she's going to be living with MIL for her first two years of college. We'll still be able to keep an eye on her that way. She's a real good kid so I'm not too worried.

I just have to take a minute to brag on my MIL. I love this woman she's the best. She treats me just like her own. I helped out with SIL's open house stuff. I did most of the decorating, also did the invites for her. This is stuff I would do for my own sister, and I just do it because I'm part of the family. When Husband and I arrived at MIL's house before the graduation she came up to me said "thank you so much for everything you did, with out you I would've gone insane" then handed me this box. Inside was a watch that I had described that I wanted. Not a cheap one either it's Relic brand which is pretty good. I thought that was awful sweet of her! I had mentioned before that I am in need of a watch. Just in passing & she picked out the exact watch I would've picked out for myself.

Here are some pics!
Husband SIL Me


Husband, SIL, MIL, BIL

Respect Mah Authoritah

You know how I was talking about how much I hate my job, you know the kind of hate where you'd rather stab yourself in the eyes than come into work. I decided I'm going to try out for my dream job. Last Thursday I did just that. I tested for a Corrections Officer position at a women's prison. WHY? WHY would that be my dream job. Simply, because I'm weird like that. I love nothing more than watching some drama type shit go down. Cops, I'm on it, Women Behind Bars give me more.... I'm all about watching some criminal activity and weird people. I can't think of a better job than watching nut jobs behind bars. It's better than the fucking Iowa State Fair if you ask me! I got the notice on Monday that I passed the test (yes, I even passed the psychological part. I'm just as shocked as you are) Now I sit on a list and wait for a call asking me to interview. That phone call can't come soon enough. Husband is not real thrilled. He says I like to run my mouth and it's going to get me in trouble. I don't know what he's talking about.

I also signed up for an Extreme Body Makeover. It's this bad ass work out course. You go 6 days a week. They do the before and after pictures, and if you are the most changed after 10 weeks you win $1,000.00. If you continue on for a year and are the most changed in a year you can win $10,000.00. I just want my body back.. but the money would be nice to buy me a new slutty wardrobe.

Hellooooo is it me you're looking for.

Yes it is me, did you miss me? Oh didn't even realized I had left... well fuck you very much.

Mr. Butts update- We go on May 14th to see if there is any pressure build up behind his eyes. If no pressure more than likely no surgery YAY!!! Pray real hard.

A couple posts ago I talked about having to be thankful for my job... well I'm over being thankful. On Thursday I tested for my dream job. A corrections officer. I'm so psyched. I should find out in a couple weeks if I passed the test. Then you interview, get a physical, maybe get a job. I hope I get it. It'll be like the show Women Behind Bars for work.

I've lost 5lbs since the last time I wrote to you all. That isn't good enough for me. SO I joined this Extreme Bobdy makeover course. It's a 10 week long course and if you change the most in the 10 weeks you can win 1000.00 I'm down for it. I start May 23rd. The biggest issue, you HAVE to go 6 times a week. BD said for as much as we paid for the course he'll lock me out of the house if I slack off. I'm pretty excited about it.

Oh June 6th the OMA comes to visit. This is BD's grandmother form Germany. She does not speak a lick of English.... and she's one intimidating old woman. I'm scurred. I'm not gonna lie. The worst part she wants to take a day trip to the Mall of America. This is NOT a day trip. This is a 4 hour drive ONE WAY to the Mall of Satan's Loins with 3 kids. I dread taking my kids to fucking Wal-Mart. The mall is a HUGE NOOOOO GOD NOOOO!!
THIS does NOT make me happy.
How do you say "I don't fucking think so" in German?

Mr. Butt's results

The CAT Scan confirmed it. Mr. Butts has a Metopic Fusion. I'm a mess. I tried to prepare for the worst... but I wasn't prepared at all.
We go to the opthalmologist in May, then back to the specialist where they will tell us what they will do to repair it...... which google tells me 99% of surgery... go google it you will see what they will do to my baby. I'm beyond stressed. I don't know what to do.... numb..... sad..... stressed....

Be thankful, be thankful, be thankful

Lately I've had to remind myself to be thankful for the job I have especially during the current times. I just hate it. I'm a pretty creative person. I love to create... and being a compliance liasion specialist at the world's 5th largest insurance company really isn't fullfilling my need. However I am the working person in our household. It doesn't pay for Chris to work, he'd only be bringing in $300.00 a month after we paid daycare. It's not worth it. I don't want him to work. He takes care of our children, he keeps the house clean and dinner is ready when I get home. I LOVE it. I just feel like I'm ready for a change. I've worked my way up a mail room gopher at the age of 19 to a "professional" person in the insurance industry. I have no college degree and I'm making pretty darn good money for someone in my position. I'm just not motivated anymore. I've always wanted to be in a position where I make a difference. All I'm doing here is collecting a paycheck. I'm on the hunt, and it's crazy during this job market. I figure what better time to hunt for a job that you're passionate about then when you really don't need one. So I'm hunting..... I'm making a change. It's one of many changes I've been making in my life. I'm almost 30 it's time to stop floating by. It's time for me to do what I'm meant to do.

FACEinHOLE

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Cranio what?

My baby has been diagnosed with Metopic Synostosis & Deformational Plagiocephaly. Depending on the the severity (which we will find out after a CT scan is done) we will know what steps to take. At the worst it will be a molding helmet & surgery where they will slice my baby ear to ear peel his forehead front cut out his skull, reshape it & put it back.
Please say a little prayer for Mr. Butts that his situation isn't that bad and maybe they can fix it without surgery.
I'm still in a little bit of shock.

My Target Gift card that I won

Remember the Target gift card I won from this awesome blogger. Well I told her way back when that I would post pictures of what I purchased... or she asked that I did or something. Anyway I finally used the gift card. I bought myself a super cute pink hairdryer. Here's me showing off with my new cute hair dryer!!!

Flower Girl and her mace of death

In August my 3 year old spawn of Satan (Xavier) was the ring bearer in husband's cousin's wedding. So being that we were getting married we decided to return the honor and have her daughter in our wedding.

Mind you Xavier was not the quietest nor the best behaved little ring bearer so when he was whispering during THEIR ceremony I promptly picked him up and carried him in the hall to play.

First we are doing pictures, and this little princess thinks she needs to be in every shot. After the third or fourth time she refused to move I went bridezilla and screamed for her mother to get her.

Before we go to walk down the aisle FFH (flower girl from hell) is running around like a little brat. I tell her mother to come stay with us until she goes to walk down (which is what I did with MY son at her wedding) so flower girl goes down. I can't see anything... now it's my turn to walk down the aisle. What do I get down the aisle to? FFH standing with her flower mace refusing to get out of the aisle. I think to my self "Oh hell to the naw, this is my day bitch, move!" finally she moves. As we get to where Joel is to give me away FFH comes barrelling down with her flower mace and tries to snatch up my bouquet then just screams at the pastor. My Maid of Honor thinks fast and tosses FFH her flowers thinking it would get her away. Our vows were short and sweet. Nobody else could hear them because all they heard was FFH's parents yelling "FFH come here come here" OK they weren't yelling they were whispering loudly. I found out later that as FFH was walking down the aisle she proceeded to whack all the guests on the way down. Where were her parents you ask? Sitting there laughing... because it's cute right. Yeah I don't fucking think so.

Word to the wise if you don't want your flower girl to drop flowers don't go with the new "cool" thing and get her a wand.... just go with NOTHING because that cute little girl will go all flower girlzilla on your ass...

I'm married!

Yesterday my baby daddy turned into my husband!
Chris and I tied the knot. I will give you the down low on the wedding later when I'm not so hung over.....

Here's a teaser of what is to come:

"Flower girl and her mace of death"

"Splinters and ring bearers"

"MP3 players must be operated by the young"

Getting old

I had my bachelorette party last Saturday. It was quite the experience. I realized just how old I actually am. One of the places we went was packed shoulder to shoulder with an age range of 21-24. How can someone have ANY fun being packed into a place like sardines? No room to dance, and then some douche has the balls to try to grind on me. GROSS! Then it hit me. Oh MY GOD 7 years ago THIS WAS ME. Whoring myself out. Letting random men touch me. I am disgusted with myself just remembering this.
Although I find getting old disheartening I am so much happier now. You couldn't pay me to go back to that stage in my life. I love my boring life. I love coming home to my messy house with all my boys. I love not waking up with hang overs or wondering what I did the night before.
My friend Whitney and I always wonder when our parents knew they were "grown up" because we still feel like we did when we were in high school. I don't feel like a grown up, I don't feel like I'm a responsible mommy of 3. Then I get thrown back into where I was 8 years ago and I realize "WHOA WHEN DID I GROW UP?!?!?" I still think I'm not a grown up totally though. I don't think REAL grown ups have the same thoughts as me at times.
So what makes a grown up a grown up?

Target gift card I won

OK, I won this Target gift card that I posted about earlier. I want the presenter of the gift card to know t hat I am not unappreciative I just haven't used it yet. When I do I will be posting about it! Thanks so much!

Wedding Bullshit

So wedding is in like 2 weeks. I'm excited but this shit is getting expensive. It'll be worth it in the end. I'm marrying my best friend and all that jazz.
Here's the thing BD's dad is a douche bag and is not invited to the wedding so he's now given this sob story to that side of the family. The people that said they were coming from his side are now backing out due to feeling "uncomfortable". Seriously what bastard tries to screw with his sons wedding?
My response to the people when they inform us of this decision is "We're sorry you feel that way. We invited who we feel are family or friends. We don't feel comfortable having Brian at the wedding due to his disregard for the sanctity of marriage"
When really I want to say "What ever, if you want to stand behind a lying cheating bastard go for it. We only invited you because we hoped we would get a check." I don't think that would win us any fans though.

The "un" money fight?

I waited it out at work, I was dreading coming home to the wrath of baby daddy. I had been naughty and I knew it. I come home and I'm scurred. I walk in and wait for a grunt... some sort of sign as to what I would be dealing with. In a peppy voice "What's wrong with you?"
I wondered if it was some sort of trick.... that's the type of shit I do. Suck 'em in and then attack. I said "uhhhhhh we're not fighting" he laughed and returned to cooking dinner. OK where is my baby daddy? THIS is NOT my baby daddy. I come back down stairs.. wait for it.. wait for it... Mr. Happy pants asks about my day.
SERIOUSLY WTF?
He serves me dinner
He acts like all is normal. No arguments... nothing

He's so fucking up to something. He's done something REALLY BAD or he's thinking about it. Stay tuned!

Money fights--- I need your help

Is it just me or are money fights THE worst fights?!?! We haven't had one in about 6 months.. but man when they come around they come with lots of yelling, name calling, dirty fighting.
I freaking hate money fights and am NOT looking forward to going home tonight. What really sucks is that I'm always the one that messes up... so tonight I will swallow my pride and hand the debit card over to Baby Daddy... so I spent over $200.00 on eating out the past two months... OK...... what the economy needs stimulated! I was just trying to help a brotha out! DAMN

We are 24 days out from our wedding this money fight is not good timing. Not that it's a make it or break it thing.. .we always get over our fights but I want this one to end fast. So any suggestions on how I can keep him happy and the debit card in my hands until after the wedding?

I'm an award winner!!!!

I've been slacking in several area's of my life lately. What caused my demise was that bitch Aunt Flo showing up after 14 months of bliss. So I start counting on the calendar and guess what is in 27-30 days when she should arrive again, our wedding! FUCKING YAY. I'm going to get on my birth control and just skip the off week and hope that prevents her from crashing my big day. My poor personal attendant would be pretty pissed if she had to change my tampons for me!





I also won my first blogger award. Can you believe it?!?!? Check out my nominator

Here are the rules:
1. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs you find brilliant in content or design.
2. Show the 7 winners' names and links on your blog.
Leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well...there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
3. List at least 10 honest things about yourself.Here are the awesome blogs I'm tagging:

1. Bad Mommy

2. Ashley's Closet

3. Southern Mom

4. Hamilton Family Circus

5. My Mid-mid life crisis

6. Mama and More

7. Uh What?

Ok, here are 10 honest things about me:
-I have been diagnosed with Type 2 bi-polar--- I think it's just a fancy word for bitch.
-I love the fact that Baby Daddy is a stay at home dad I could never do it.
-I love me and baby daddy's relationship and how we are best friends as well as partners. I can't wait to marry him next month.
-I feel guilty that I didn't look for Travis (Joel's Dad) harder the day before he committed suicide. We were ALWAYS able to talk and I know he would've told me what was on his mind.
-After marrying my ex-husband I found out that he had provided sexual favors to other men for meth.
-I have NO regrets on how I spent my time with my mom while she was dying. I am so thankful that I took care of her for half days for the last month she was alive.
- I did meth in high school and quit two weeks before I got pregnant with Joel. I wonder if that's what caused his Asperger's syndrome.
- My 3 year old drives me insane. I can't wait to go to work in the morning, and dread coming home at night because of him. I hope this phase ends soon. I feel guilty about it.
- I eat out at work way too much and hope to cut it down to once a week
- I'm going to see New Kids on the Block in April and I CAN'T WAIT

It's not a tumah

It's a cyst. I was informed by the dr. in her very fancy dr. speak "it's a cyst and it's really close to the skin, some women say if they squeeze them a white cheesy substance comes out" GAG!

I can get it cut out-- I'll pass until it's really bugging me.

Onto the weightloss-- the Wii Fit scale is off and we just figured out why. We use it on carpet, either way a loss is a loss and a gain is a gain. I do want to know how I gain 6 fucking pounds in one day... so I'm still suspicious.

I was going to post pictures but you can't see that much of a difference. Baby Daddy told me to wait and do it every three weeks so I don't get discouraged. So that's what I'm gonna do. Baby Daddy did say that he can tell a difference in my elephant ears. He also told me that when he's doing me from behind he can tell in my back. I tried to explain it's because the fat dangles below me but he said "No you still had rolls before, and they are starting to go away." He's so sweet.

Whatchu' gonna do with all them lumps

I went to the dr. about my lumps... lumps not humps.. lol
Anyway, she found another lump. Says they are not clogged milk ducts (that I keep saying milk duds on accident) anyway, they are also in an odd place to be fibro cysts or some shit. She told me to lay off the caffeine and come back in two weeks.

I sat there and thought to myself "OK Dr. Dumbass I just told your nurse that my mom died at the age of 49 from cancer. Granted not boobie cancer, but cancer. Telling me to lay off the caffeine and come back in two long excruciating weeks DOES NOT WORK FOR ME!"

I then said "I'd rather take the pro-active approach and get either a mammogram or an ultrasound"

She'll call me tomorrow to tell me when my mammogram is.

A lump

I've found a lump on my chest. It hurts a little when you touch it. It's in the inner crease where my boob sags.... like more on the breast bone.
I have to admit I'm a little nervous. It's also a little darker in that area where the lump is.
I think it might be a zit or something. I noticed it Friday night. It hasn't changed in size and it hasn't come to a head... that makes me nervous.

The Wii fit... is kicking my ass

Our Wii fit arrived Saturday and I promptly busted it out!

I think every fat person that's starting to care about their fatness should purchase this.
It measures your body by height, weight, age and balance. After you do a few little test runs it gives you your results.

Cool part.. it said I weighed 201.8 so apparently my scale is like 12 pounds off. I don't know if I believe that or not.. but considering how touchy the board is I think it must be right.

My results- I'm a fat ass, I know this, I am working on it. The Wii threw it in my face though. It has a scale that shows you if you are underweight, normal, overweight, or obese. I my friends am obese like off the fucking charts obese.

Then it has you set a goal for your BMI, 22% is normal... I can't remember mine but lets just say it's really fucking high because I'm OBESE. The thing would only let me try to lose 22lbs as my goal and I put I wanted to lose like 2.7 pounds every 2 weeks. At that rate it's going to take me 6 months to lose the 22 pounds. I can change my goal every 2 weeks though so that's cool.

I worked out on it doing the different things for over 30 minutes. On Sunday.... I could feel it. LIKE HARD CORE. I was sore. I also wasn't feeling good so I didn't get on it. I woke up early this morning to do my body test, the yoga, and the strength training. I started the body test and the damn Wii told me "Too tired to work out yesterday? I see you've skipped a day" I think they need to add a response to this... Like UH I WAS PISSING OUT MY ASS SORRY! It then it proceeds to congratulate me for losing 3 pounds... so I'm like HA take that Wii..... Then promptly reminds me that the last time I did the body test was at 2PM and it is currently 5:30 AM and your body fluctuates about 2 pounds per day.... so basically telling me I'm still a loser.
I did my work outs and there was one I was struggling on... and I fell off the board. I got rated a fucking couch potato! My instructor told me "I know you took a break" I was like NO, NO I DIDN'T I FELL OFF FOR LIKE 5 SECONDS BITCH! I have to admit I do like it. It really motivates me.... so check back this weekend for my weekly picture.

Updated pics.....

So here are my new pictures.... let's see what you guys think. Same undies, same bra... same icky hair and icky face. I can look cute at times and no, I'm not a scurve like I look in these pictures... I look so white trashy... icky!

Good news I did order my Wii Fit and it should be arriving tomorrow!!! I can't wait!!! SO do you guys see a difference? I am now officially 8 pounds lighter. The only place I really can see a difference is in the mini thighs that go with my regular thighs. Be honest people!

1st week of January Last week of January