Who's the boss

This morning

Chris: "Xavier, NO! I told you after you eat your first pop tart THEN you can have your other one"

Xavier: "NO!"

Chris: "I'M THE BOSS! I SAID PUT IT BACK!"

Xavier: "I'M ZABER!!"

I do believe Chris was owned this morning. It's the first time I've seen him speechless.

Out of the mouths of babes

My youngest Xavier will be turning 3 September 1st.

This is how our morning went

Xavier walks into our bedroom "What's going on in here?"

Me: "I'm getting dressed"

X: "Hey Mommy, you wanna go to the store with Zaber?"

Me: "Oh I have to go to work, what are you going to get at the store?"

X: "I can't go to the store, I have to go to Issa's house ok" (Issa is Alissa his babysitter)

I go to kiss Xavier goodbye and Chris tells Xavier to say "no go away Mommy" I snuck a kiss anyway and just as I'm walking out the door I hear his little feet padding across the floor "Tell Mommy, Tell Mommy..."

Me: "what do you need?"

X: "sorry Mommy, sorry"

and gives me a hug and kiss =0)

Oh and my 9 y/o Joel informed me I was the best mom and he loved me so much.. all because I bought him 2 Star Wars coloring books. If only I knew that was all it took.

Close to home

A friend of mine from high school that I just recently started talking to again in the past 9 mos. has had tragedy strike her family. Her 25 year old brother was murdered last Friday. Her brother had been troubled with meth addiction for quite awhile. Though he was not murdered over drugs.

My friend hadn't seen her brother in a few months because of troubles. She and her parents were doing the tough love route. Which I totally agree with. Still it had been a few months since she'd seen her brother and now he is gone.

This got me thinking about my relationship with my own sister. Until 2 weeks ago I had not spoken to my sister since March. Which is odd for our relationship as I have taken on the mother role to her since my mom's passing. I was doing the tough love role. I believed she was going down the wrong path. She had disrespected my home and I made the decision to kick her out of the house and let her hit rock bottom. My sister finally got her shit together and actually thanked me for kicking her out. I am so grateful she got her shit together. I could not imagine if I got the call that she had been gunned down like my friends brother.

I know this man's family is feeling tremendous guilt. Nothing will make them realize that they did what they had to. I feel so awful for them. They really did do the right thing, and he maybe could've turned his life around but these 2 pieces of shit robbed him of that opportunity.

So tired...

Man, this pregnancy is kicking my ass. I get hardly ANY sleep. I'm on the hunt for a pregnancy pillow this weekend. Chris and I are kid free tonight so I'm going to finish priming Joel's room and hopefully start the painting of it. While he's gone I'm going to clean out a bunch of his junk! That kid is such a pack rat. He's going with an Army theme. He's said he's going to join the army since he was 5 years old. His room is currently gray with purple and green paint splatter (my mom and sister did it when it was my sister's room) I have half the room primed and then will be painting it a tan color and putting a camo boarder around the top of the room. He originally wanted me to paint the walls camo. I could do it but what a pain in the butt. Plus in 5 years he might think it's too childish. I also bought material to have camo curtains made... this one I'm having a hard time with. I bought a lighter camo like light browns and creams.. but his bed sheets and comforter AND the camo boarder are the classic green camo. I went with the light colored camo because his room is on the lower level of our house and it's kind of dark in there anyway so I wanted to brighten up his room. I'll take before and after pictures and see what you all think.

A couple days ago I picked up Xavier from the babysitter. We told babysitter (whom we love and adore) that X needed a hair cut. Now Xavier has a head full of BEAUTIFUL curls... I meant for her to just trim the curls up. She gave him a boy cut. He looks like SUCH a big boy. I was a little shocked but I love it! I know his little curls will come back becaues last year he had a mohawk, and then a shaved head and his little curls came back over the winter. Here are before and after pics

Baby news!!

My dear friend Kristi had her daughter Thursday morning. I was supposed to be there for the birth and Kristi's mom called me at 5AM to tell me Kristi was dialated to four and for me to make my way up to the hospital. I arrived at 5:40 and walked in with Kristi holding her daughter. She went from 4 to 10 in 18 minutes. I was SO bummed! I wanted to see a natural birth! I have c-sections so I've never been able to watch an actual birth. Kristi's sister Jamie is pregnant and due in January she said that I can watch hers LOL. So hopefully I'll make it for that one! I have to admit I'm really happy Kristi had her baby because that means I'm just THAT much closer to having mine!! Whoo hoo!!

Here are pics of the happy family (minus Kristi's two older boys Seth and Austin) this is Kristi's last baby =0(.

I gotta whole hodgepodge of things to talk about!

Boyfriend--
Let me update you all on the b/f situation. All is well.... we went from despising each other to discussing marriage. After many emails back and forth during work we got all things worked out! The money is still seperate until we are married. He finally realizes that marriage is something I want. I told him if he doesn't want to offer me that then I should move on. It wasn't a threat. I was simply stating that marriage is one of the things that I want and I want it to be with him. If he can't or doesn't have the same feelings then we should go our seperate ways. Next thing I get is an email from him with a picture of a ring which happens to be exactly what I have described in the past to him with "will this style work?" typed below.

Father's Day--
Was a good day, Skywalker got BD a shirt to wear for work. Zaber got BD a funny t-shirt that anyone that plays world of warcraft would find humorus. It said "Level 70 Dad"
I got BD his 4lbs of brisket from Kin Folks. We had a wonderful day at home.

Some background Info.--
Now here I get to explain a little bit of the past. BD is not Skywalker's biological father. I met Travis (Skywalker's dad) when I was in my senior year of high school. I lost my virginity to Travis and the 4th time I'd EVER had sex became pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant Travis and I were no longer on speaking terms. So I did the whole pregnancy by myself speaking to Travis 2 or 3 times. When Skywalker was 5 weeks old I asked Travis to sign his rights away. He told me that he first wanted to see Skywalker and then he would do it. Well he saw Joel and fell in love with him so signing his rights away was not an option. We actually ended up getting back together but I ended it after a few months. Travis was only 16 (I know, I know) and rather immature. He was not a constant in Skywalker's life until Skywalker was around 3 years old. Then Skywalker started spending every Friday night at Travis' parents house (where Travis lived). Travis and I were able to co-parent and we remained and very friendly terms. He was a dear friend and I cared a lot about him. He always said that when he "grew up" we would get married.. blah blah blah. I always laughed and I continued to date other people as did he. Always remaining on good terms. In late 2003 Travis' grandfather passed away and I was there to console him. Then my mom was diagnosed the same month with terminal cancer. She was given 2 weeks to 6 months to live. At the same time I was involved with a very stupid boy and clung to him even though I knew he was wrong for me.. only because I didn't want to go through this all by myself. Dumbass(Ex-DH) proposed and I took him up on the offer. My mom wanted to see me get married and he offered so she was going to get what she wanted. In early '04 I spent any free time I had with my mom and a little wedding planning. Travis and my relationship fell to the side, as did a lot of my relationships. My mom passed in April of 2004. I remember seeing Travis at the funeral (he LOVED my mom) After the funeral someone told me that there was a handsome man in a blue suit that was in the back of the room that took the funeral rather hard. It was Travis, I knew it was him.
In june of 2004 I married dumb ass. He was able to hide his meth habit from me during our engagement and the truth came out two nights after our wedding. So here I was, FREAKED OUT. After trying, and trying I kicked Dumbass out in August. Then I could focus on me and Skywalker more. I did notice that Travis had started to not be around when ever I dropped off Skywalker, and that he had become distant... but I was so stressed with other things I never questioned it. I ended up letting Dumbass back into the house after he convinced me he cleaned up... OK nobody can become clean from meth in one month when they were the "shooting up" type of user.
September 11th I was in my girlfriends wedding and dumbass "had something to do" and left the wedding. Travis' mom had Skywalker and I called to check in with her. Travis answered the phone and was joking around as usual. So I thought that he was OK.
The next week I realized Dumbass had been lying and he was still using. So on Friday September 17th I kicked him out of the house. I was so relieved. Then on Saturday I had free tickets to go to the zoo. On my way to pick up Skywalker I thought I'd ask Travis if he'd like to come along. I walked in the house and looked for Travis and couldn't find him. So Skywalker and I went to the zoo together. Sunday evening I'm getting Joel ready for bed and I get a call and it says Trav on the ID I thought oh it must be Travis and his mom told him I was looking for him. I answer and all I hear is sobbing on the other end of the line. I could tell it was Katey, Trav's mom. She is sobbing and telling me "I'm so sorry Lindsey, I'm so sorry" I was confused about what could she be sorry about. Skywalker's here safe with me then it hit me Trav. Something happened. I said "WHAT, WHAT HAPPENED" my life changed with her response "Travis hung himself" still not quite understanding "HE DID WHAT?!?! WHAT HOSPITAL IS HE AT IS HE OK? I'm on my way!!" I guess I thought maybe he didn't succeed. "HE'S DEAD, HE'S GONE." I was so angry, SO angry at Travis how could he leave me by myself to explain this to Skywalker. I was FURIOUS.
Travis did leave a note, turns out he had been on drugs and stolen from people and didn't see himself being strong enough to turn his life around. He wanted to but he didn't have the faith in himself.
Skywalker to this day does not know the details of his father's death. He does know that even though daddy was a good man he made a mistake and did drugs. The drugs made him sad and that's what killed him.
I dread the day I have to tell my son that his daddy took his own life. On purpose, KNOWING he was leaving a child behind. How the hell do you do that without screwing your kid up?

Flooding

In a way I want it to flood... I would enjoy an extended weekend on the company!
Then... that would mean being stuck at home with BF. I can't handle it. It's the hormones from pregnancy. I know it is, but I just despise him lately. I can't stand him. I wish he would just go away. Thank God I have a therapy appt. tomorrow. Maybe she can sedate me or something LOL.

My first blog... sure to be disappointing

*** Warning my first blog is pretty negative... keep in mind that I am pregnant and it is HOT AND HUMID and I'm a little on the TOUCHY side****

So here's my first blog on blog spot.com. I have a blog at my space but I wanted a place to spill my guts without having to worry about hurting other people's feelings. A place where I can tell my true feelings... My first blog is not going to introduce you to the first chapter of my life. You will learn more and I will explain more as we go along. If you have questions do ask.

So the boyfriend and I have been together 4 years and for 2 of those 4 years we have shared our money. I admit in the past I have been awful when it comes to money and paying bills. Though I have really straightened up thanks to him showing me the error of my ways. I have always made more money then bf, and that's never been an issue for me. UNTIL LATELY. He gets on my case about everything and he has even taken control of my bank cards. I have not done anything in the past year to provoke this. I can't buy anything with out him jumping my ass about it. So finally I said I am done I put my foot down and told him that I will no longer allow him access to my accounts and that I will pay him half of the bills. I will even pay more of the house payment because he makes so much less than me. Don't think that BF has been blowing my money, he has not. THOUGH he is living beyond his means thanks to ME and yet has the balls to bitch when I want to buy a candle? Our bills are paid on time or early. We even have money in savings. So again... back on track... I took my cards back and I am doing our money separately. To show him how much I do contribute to his lifestyle. I think he seems to forget that. ALSO, we're not married. It's been 4 years, 1 child and 1 on the way and he has not made one move to purchase a ring. My thoughts are that he thinks "why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free" Now this is my fault I admit but it's going to change. I'm not going to make things so easy on him. It's killing me because he now has a constant attitude and it's really just uncomfortable in our house. This is what he does to get his way. He throws tantrums and then tries to say I'm being a bitch. I'm sticking through it though.
This morning he tells me "we're going to have to ride to work together next week because I don't have any gas money"
-- HE KNOWS we can't ride together during the summer because he can't switch his hours and in order for me to pick up both kids at separate babysitters before they close. I have to leave work at 45 minutes earlier than him.
So I say "Well I suggest you tell them you have to get off work earlier" (knowing full well he can't do this)
He yells "YEAH BECAUSE I CAN JUST DO THAT LINDSEY"
I ignore it
Then he says "Just forget it, I'll walk to work"
I say "OK"
BOO FRIGGIN HOO!
Am I wrong for not feeling sorry for him? I mean I'm gonna toss him a few bucks for gas eventually. Until then he can worry about how he's going to do it... again this is a lesson to him that I do put in a lot of damn work for us to live as well as we do!!! AND THAT'S JUST MIDDLE CLASS!