I gotta whole hodgepodge of things to talk about!

Boyfriend--
Let me update you all on the b/f situation. All is well.... we went from despising each other to discussing marriage. After many emails back and forth during work we got all things worked out! The money is still seperate until we are married. He finally realizes that marriage is something I want. I told him if he doesn't want to offer me that then I should move on. It wasn't a threat. I was simply stating that marriage is one of the things that I want and I want it to be with him. If he can't or doesn't have the same feelings then we should go our seperate ways. Next thing I get is an email from him with a picture of a ring which happens to be exactly what I have described in the past to him with "will this style work?" typed below.

Father's Day--
Was a good day, Skywalker got BD a shirt to wear for work. Zaber got BD a funny t-shirt that anyone that plays world of warcraft would find humorus. It said "Level 70 Dad"
I got BD his 4lbs of brisket from Kin Folks. We had a wonderful day at home.

Some background Info.--
Now here I get to explain a little bit of the past. BD is not Skywalker's biological father. I met Travis (Skywalker's dad) when I was in my senior year of high school. I lost my virginity to Travis and the 4th time I'd EVER had sex became pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant Travis and I were no longer on speaking terms. So I did the whole pregnancy by myself speaking to Travis 2 or 3 times. When Skywalker was 5 weeks old I asked Travis to sign his rights away. He told me that he first wanted to see Skywalker and then he would do it. Well he saw Joel and fell in love with him so signing his rights away was not an option. We actually ended up getting back together but I ended it after a few months. Travis was only 16 (I know, I know) and rather immature. He was not a constant in Skywalker's life until Skywalker was around 3 years old. Then Skywalker started spending every Friday night at Travis' parents house (where Travis lived). Travis and I were able to co-parent and we remained and very friendly terms. He was a dear friend and I cared a lot about him. He always said that when he "grew up" we would get married.. blah blah blah. I always laughed and I continued to date other people as did he. Always remaining on good terms. In late 2003 Travis' grandfather passed away and I was there to console him. Then my mom was diagnosed the same month with terminal cancer. She was given 2 weeks to 6 months to live. At the same time I was involved with a very stupid boy and clung to him even though I knew he was wrong for me.. only because I didn't want to go through this all by myself. Dumbass(Ex-DH) proposed and I took him up on the offer. My mom wanted to see me get married and he offered so she was going to get what she wanted. In early '04 I spent any free time I had with my mom and a little wedding planning. Travis and my relationship fell to the side, as did a lot of my relationships. My mom passed in April of 2004. I remember seeing Travis at the funeral (he LOVED my mom) After the funeral someone told me that there was a handsome man in a blue suit that was in the back of the room that took the funeral rather hard. It was Travis, I knew it was him.
In june of 2004 I married dumb ass. He was able to hide his meth habit from me during our engagement and the truth came out two nights after our wedding. So here I was, FREAKED OUT. After trying, and trying I kicked Dumbass out in August. Then I could focus on me and Skywalker more. I did notice that Travis had started to not be around when ever I dropped off Skywalker, and that he had become distant... but I was so stressed with other things I never questioned it. I ended up letting Dumbass back into the house after he convinced me he cleaned up... OK nobody can become clean from meth in one month when they were the "shooting up" type of user.
September 11th I was in my girlfriends wedding and dumbass "had something to do" and left the wedding. Travis' mom had Skywalker and I called to check in with her. Travis answered the phone and was joking around as usual. So I thought that he was OK.
The next week I realized Dumbass had been lying and he was still using. So on Friday September 17th I kicked him out of the house. I was so relieved. Then on Saturday I had free tickets to go to the zoo. On my way to pick up Skywalker I thought I'd ask Travis if he'd like to come along. I walked in the house and looked for Travis and couldn't find him. So Skywalker and I went to the zoo together. Sunday evening I'm getting Joel ready for bed and I get a call and it says Trav on the ID I thought oh it must be Travis and his mom told him I was looking for him. I answer and all I hear is sobbing on the other end of the line. I could tell it was Katey, Trav's mom. She is sobbing and telling me "I'm so sorry Lindsey, I'm so sorry" I was confused about what could she be sorry about. Skywalker's here safe with me then it hit me Trav. Something happened. I said "WHAT, WHAT HAPPENED" my life changed with her response "Travis hung himself" still not quite understanding "HE DID WHAT?!?! WHAT HOSPITAL IS HE AT IS HE OK? I'm on my way!!" I guess I thought maybe he didn't succeed. "HE'S DEAD, HE'S GONE." I was so angry, SO angry at Travis how could he leave me by myself to explain this to Skywalker. I was FURIOUS.
Travis did leave a note, turns out he had been on drugs and stolen from people and didn't see himself being strong enough to turn his life around. He wanted to but he didn't have the faith in himself.
Skywalker to this day does not know the details of his father's death. He does know that even though daddy was a good man he made a mistake and did drugs. The drugs made him sad and that's what killed him.
I dread the day I have to tell my son that his daddy took his own life. On purpose, KNOWING he was leaving a child behind. How the hell do you do that without screwing your kid up?