Bad Mommy inspired this blog too.

I'm a shitty mom, seriously. I have more than one reason. I have 3 one for each one of my kids.

1.)For the last couple days I've noticed Leo's head is all misshapen. So I get online and research flat heads... it's some syndrome that starts with a "P" and there is a drawing and it's my baby's head. What's this from? From being in a swing/bouncy seat/car seat too long. I've also noticed his neck muscles aren't strong.... he is hardly on his stomach. I'm one of those mom's with a flat headed kid because he doesn't get enough attention.

2.) I love my son Xavier but I don't like him. How awful is that. He's awful, horrible. When he wakes up in the morning I get sick to my stomach, I don't want to deal with him. I have lost all control. I hate the fact that I have to change his diapers. He's smart enough to know to go to the bathroom but is too lazy to do it. I rarely talk to him, most of my time is spent yelling at him. Even though it does no good I just get so frustrated I can't help it. I love him, and yes there are times where he cracks me up but there's not ONE day in I don't know how long where he hasn't gotten in trouble. He's bad, really bad. I'm too lazy to parent, instead I scream.

3.) Joel, has been through so much but I get so fucking frustrated. He's got Asperger's and I know it's high functioning autism. I know this but it doesn't help. It pisses me off that he can't interact in social settings. It pisses me off that if I ask him how is day was he starts talking about fucking video games. It stresses me out he does those nervous ticks. It pisses me off that his ears are fucked up and I've spent so much money on them. It pisses me off that he can't gain weight. Seriously the kid is worth thousands in medical bills. It pisses me off. Not at him but at the world. WHY, did all this shit have to happen to HIM. Why did he have to have a mom with a short temper? Why did he have to have a dad that decided to hang himself instead of dealing with life? Why!!!! I mean can the kid get a fucking break. He gets diagnosed with ADD after 2 years of school.... still not right... oh he's high functioning autistic too. FUCK seriously. Then he gets the mom that gets so fucking frustrated. This doesn't help him because he's so goddamn sensitive.

I don't feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for my kids. They're getting robbed. I wish I had gotten my tubes tied this last time. I really don't want anymore kids. NO don't go calling DHS I'm not going to go all Susan Smith on my kids. I'm just stressed the fuck out. Why can't we just have a normal goddamn day.