BD and I have been discussing adding another monkey to our house. How would we feel about it... blah blah blah.... I think he's finally seeing the light. That it's not a great idea. We have 3 wonderful little boys whom I love so very much. With that said I can't wait for the day that they get the fuck out of my house. In 16 years and 10 months I will no longer be legally responsible to feed them, clothe them, put a roof over their heads.... 16 years should come pretty quickly.... and I don't want to add another couple years on. I want my life. I feel so selfish but I want to enjoy life before I get all old and have to worry about who is going to wipe my ass and change my diapers. I want to be able to travel to Europe and not have to worry about my arthritis kicking in preventing me from seeing all the awesome things I want to see.
Don't get me wrong. I love my boys, I would DIE for my boys and I don't regret one bit having my boys.... but you see I got pregnant at 18 and had Skywalker fresh out of high school. I never got to explore, I have ALWAYS been a mom. Again, I love being a mom but I would be lying if I told you I am not looking forward to the day when I can lay on the couch and watch any type of show I want and not worry about what little eyes or ears might be seeing and hearing. When I can eat my dinner and not have a little boy screaming at me NUM NUM even though he just ate his meal and I am starving. How nice would it be to go to a store and not worry about avoiding the toy department. HOW about going to the store by yourself. OH MY GOD could you imagine the possibilities?!?!?
Again, I wouldn't trade my boys for anything in the world. Sometimes I get so tired that I dream about being childless living in an apartment by myself with no one depending on me.... and it seems so wonderful. Maybe because I've never had that, I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side and I wouldn't be able to last more than 2 days without having contact with my kids. Still it's fun to dream about right? Does this make me a shitty mom?
Nice
7 years ago
3 comments:
Hmmm, I wouldn't think it makes you a crappy mom, but I think your kids are just at very hard ages right now. Give it a couple years when they aren't so dependent on you, and I think you will enjoy being with them so much more. Cherish these days because someday you are going to wish you had them small again.
Absolutely not. I think every mom has days when they want to run away. I think they would be lying if they told you they didn't. Being a parent is HARD and since you started so young you didn't get to do a lot of the things that other people did.
Even now there are days where I wish I was childless. I think how much easier it would be.
But the good days FAR outnumber the bad days. So every Friday Zack goes to my parents house and spends the night and I get my break and believe me, I appreciate him that much more come Saturday.
My sister had children at a very young age (17) she had 4 children and they are now highschool... and her oldest is graduating this year. She is a reck... unsure what the HECK she is going to do with all her time...
I am SURE that she will find something :)
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