Blended Families and Christmas

Can i just say that blended families are a LOT harder to manage than you would think. I love Joel and I loved his dad. He was the father to my son. He was not a great father but as a person he was a good person. I will always love him. I am angry that he decided to kill himself and now I am stuck cleaning up the mess... but sometimes I wish I had never met him and that I had the same kid but with BD.... because then we wouldn't have this whole blended family issue to deal with.