Selfish...

So as you all know Chris and I plan on marrying in March. This weekend was the weekend from hell. He had the funds to purchase a ring for me, he knew this since Wednesday. So on Saturday he gets up and goes looking at a ring. Comes home kneels on one knee and asks me to put out my hand. I'm in tears. As I put my hand out he slaps my hand... empty handed. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I did a little of both. I admit he felt bad after doing it. After telling me about these two beautiful rings he found he asks me to go with him to pick out the ring. I'm so excited, this is it, this is really it... we get there and the store closed 45 minutes prior. I was let down yet again. I realized maybe this is a sign that we aren't to marry. I get over it, Chris tells me I'll get my ring on Monday. He sets it up for his sister to come over and watch the kids on Monday so he can get my ring. This morning I ask "hey, are you going to drive your sisters car today? Or do you need me to leave the car" "I'll just drive Rachel's car"
I'm anxious all day at work... so excited at 3:45 the phone rings it's him telling me that his sister hasn't called yet. I ask if he's even tried calling her to see where she is. He says no... of course... this isn't important to him. I don't hear from him again. I come home at 4:30. I walk in the door there he sits in shorts and a t-shirt. "Oh Rachel can't come, can you come home early tomorrow and I can go then"
I'm crushed, disappointed. I even rushed home early so he could take the car up. It's 4:30 they're open for another half an hour. I tell him not to worry about it. I'm hurt, crushed, disappointed, and embarassed for being all of those things.
I start to clean, it's what I do when I have mixed feelings. I tell him not to worry about it. Yes, I'm being passive aggressive but I'm hurt.
He gets mad "Great now I have to deal with a crabby bitch all night, you are so fucking selfish" I get called every name in the book. I'm a cunt, on and on and on.
It's Ok, he's only saying this because he knows he fucked up.
Here come the excuses "what am I supposed to do, I don't have a car?!?!?"
Really hmmm didn't I ask if you would need the car this morning?
Now he's irritated I'm giving Xavier a bath because HE didn't. He's on his third day, and that's fine but fuck, give him a bath during the day. He says that he KNOWS he was going to give one after he got up and ate. That could've been his plan but I'm sure it wasn't.
I ignore him. Continue cleaning.
He's yelling, I don't speak.
He calls his mom, she's not there. Who knows what that was all about.
I again tell him not to worry about it. If he's not concerned about it then why should I be?
He wants to know why I have to have it now?!?! What's the big deal?!?!
I don't know why it's such a big deal. It just hurts. It really hurts that it's not important to him. When the expansion pack came out for his stupid fucking video game he was in line at MIDNIGHT to get it.
I don't say anything.
Now he says he'll get it on Saturday. No, you can't, we have your nephews birthday party and your mom's Thanksgiving dinner. Just don't worry about it.
It's just another disappointment in this chapter of our lives.
If he put in as much energy into finding a part-time job, or getting a ring as he does into his video game. Shit, I'd have a 4 carat ring, and he'd had a part time job lined up BEFORE he quit his full time job.
I'm selfish
It's all about me
I'm selfish
and deep down I know it's true



I tell